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Simon has been sent his late mother's diaries and the courtship letters she exchanged with his father, and can't decide whether reading them is an act of care or an invasion. Lee counters with his own father's diary, thirty years running and started by a Disney Store Aladdin Diary, a purely functional record with no reflection in it whatsoever. Between a Lisbon vegan march and the looming stamp duty on Simon's new flat, the conversation ends where these things always end: an imaginary OnlyFans account, funded by house-moving labour.

Mentioned

• Aladdin Diary (Disney Store) – the Christmas gift that started an annual diary-giving tradition lasting three decades
• HMRC (His Majesty's Revenue and Customs) – the UK tax authority, discussed over stamp duty owed on (what is not really) a second home
• OnlyFans – floated, half-seriously, as a way to cover that stamp duty bill; also the platform an elderly former soap actress is said to use
• Patreon – considered and rejected in favour of OnlyFans
• Farrah Fawcett – actress and former Charlie's Angels star, recalled while trying to place the unnamed soap star's identity
• Charlie's Angels – TV series; referenced for Farrah Fawcett's short-lived role in it
• Ryan O'Neal – actor; Farrah Fawcett's longtime partner and Tatum O'Neal's father
• Tatum O'Neal – actress; discussed alongside her father and her relationship with John McEnroe
• John McEnroe – tennis player; mentioned as a former partner of Tatum O'Neal's, with whom she had children
• Paper Moon (1973) – film in which Ryan O'Neal and Tatum O'Neal starred together
• Tom Holland – actor; discussed via a video ranking celebrity physiques by how "natural" they appear, focused on whether his Spider-Man build is achieved without steroids

Get in touch with Lee and Simon at info@midlifing.net.

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The Midlifing logo is adapted from an original image by H.L.I.T: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29311691@N05/8571921679 (CC BY 2.0)